For me life has truly been a journey and only one that I’m, only now, starting to see clearly. Still with self imposed barriers that I need to overcome, and do, and still angry that they’re there in the first place. Defence mechanisms for things I no longer need to defend myself against. Yet they persist hence, I believe, the drive to continue, despite the advancing years. Not that I don’t sometimes think “To hell with it all” until I remember that breaking down barriers can take you to places that you’ve long dreamt of or never even envisaged. The latter particularly satisfying. So it appears to be with me, now, with finally getting to grips with writing that novel.
To do this I’ve had to overcome some sort of internal hurdle that prevented me from combining my imaginative streak with my ability with words. Every time I tried, the ideas dried up so the novel became a short story and one that I couldn’t develop any further no matter how hard I tried.
Well, I’ve persevered and finally the words and the ideas seem to be coming together. Hesitatingly and in spurts at first but, gradually, getting into that rhythm that I recognise in my nonfiction. Furthermore I think I may have found a use for that short story. Interestingly, it’s not the beginning of anything but may well be the end of the novel.
So here’s to all those people who’ve always believed in me when I didn’t do myself. It looks like I may finally be joining you and that feels good!