Monthly Archives: February 2015

I am very conscious of being, what I call, one of the lucky generation. The offspring of a generation that fought in the greatest war in history and who came home determined that life was going to be different afterwards; for them and their children. My generation may have lived through the Cold War but we also had the welfare state with its concern for its citizens.  Fifteen years later, the social and cultural explosion that was the 1960’s took place. They were good times to be alive with their optimism and hope for the future. They now seem light years away and the world appears to be more dangerous and this country more troubled. Now you may feel that you can do little about the state of the country or the world (not quite true), however, you can do something for yourself which may put more positivity into your own life. So, I write in a spirit of determined optimism in the hope that some of it might rub off.

How many people can say that they are truly at ease with themselves and/or their circumstances? The two, of course, not necessarily being the same thing although they may well be related to one another. I suspect that the answer is not as many as we would hope it to be. Whether it’s not having enough money, being in a relationship that isn’t as good as you’d like it to be, not being happy with your job or just feeling that life could be better, the chances are that most of us have experienced all or one of these at some time as I did for many years. Need it be that way? Well, if I’m any sort of example, the answer is a very clear no. My life is now very different from the way is was for me for many, many years. I’m doing things that I always dreamt of and am determined to do more; consequently, I have no plans to retire. After a series of failed relationships, I have been happily married for twenty years (I just hope my wife feels the same way) and live in an area that I love. Unfortunately, I still worry but, hey ho, you can’t have everything. In my defence, I do this a great deal less that I used to.

How has all this happened? Well, by taking a good look at myself and the reasons why I felt and behaved the way I did. Identifying the causes helped me to address the problems. The result is that I feel much more comfortable in my own skin. Among other things, that means that I don’t waste my energy on dealing with my personal history every day and have more to spend on doing those things I long dreamt of. In short, I complain less and do more by being more effective.

There appear to be no losers in this game. Yes, there are glass ceilings in this world but the hardest to crack are the ones we create for ourselves. Right now, I’m breaking through another one. I can tell by how difficult it is by how much I keep prevaricating. I will, however, persevere. There is no magic wand to wave; there is, however, just getting on with what you really want to do. This latter typified for me in a radio programme I listened to some years ago. An author was being interviewed and someone said. “I’ve always wanted to write but how do I do it?” His reply was straightforward. “You could start by just writing”.

What is it that they say about the longest journey starting with one small step?

I am often prone to not seeing what, to others, may seem blindingly obvious; but, aren’t we all?  Also, in my public speaking and writing, I usually talk about how, for most of us, perception can be more important than fact. I should listen to myself more often. So, once again, where am I going with this?

Well, having decided to start a new career some three years ago, I’ve found that this has proven to be more difficult than it has in the previous five changes since I left school; incidentally, a school I am about to give a talk to next month. Now, there are likely to be a number of reasons for this, among which are the austere times we live in and my belief that what you do and the standards you try to adhere are more important than your personality. The latter of these is, however, something that I have, reluctantly, come around to seeing as as daft as it sounds. Hence, the recent change of perception on my part. This came to its final realisation on Saturday at a meeting of the Professional Speaking Association, of which I am a member. Now, like most people trying to build a new business, you have to identify your market and, at last, I think that I have managed to do that. Which is where another piece of the jigsaw has fallen into place.

My skills are in quite a number of areas, so how best to describe what I do to potential clients? Well, probably foremost among those skills is my ability, I hope, to help people, especially those on the receiving end in today’s society, to realise that they have potential and identify what that may be in order to help them to develop it. This, however, is not confined just to those people. We all have talents that we don’t develop because life gets in the way. In the voluntary sector where I have spent much of my life, that would come under the banner of community involvement. Unfortunately, one of the reasons that I needed to build a new career is that this sort of work dried up as a source of income with the cutbacks of the past five years.

Well, at the meeting, the lovely Steve Bustin was giving a presentation about using the media. Among the things he did was to describe the sort of things that have moved up the agenda recently; one of which was “social engagement”. A penny dropped. Isn’t that just what I specialise in? And isn’t one of my main aims to get people from all walks of life to work together breaking down some of our social barriers? So the actuality of what I do hasn’t changed although my perception (and description) of it has. Many thanks, Steve, for that little nugget of information. It has given me just the push I needed. At which point, I touch wood.

Even at my, somewhat, advanced age, there are still things that I find it difficult to get my head around. Some I tend to ignore as there are so many more important things in life to concern myself with; other than the idiot who walked straight out in front of my car this morning with his eyes firmly fixed on his mobile phone. Obviously the content of the message was more important than his life. If he carries on like that my genes are more likely to survive than his. Ain’t evolution wonderful?

Other matters, however, do concern me; among the foremost of which is what I read and hear about today’s workplace culture. Now, I am one of that lucky generation who lived through the 60’s, found my metier during the 70’s and have managed to keep going. Not only that but I have been even more lucky in that, for most of the past 35 years, I have done for a living what I’ve enjoyed doing anyway. Furthermore, during that time I have hardly ever been bored. How many people can say that today?

Which leads me to, what it is that the new generation can expect and the answer, from what I read is, very little? If they don’t go on to further education, the likelihood is unemployment or work in some sort of service industry, either on a zero hours contract or low wages and a long working day. If they do go to university, they may still be unemployed but with a large debt that, even the government acknowledges, will never be paid back and, thus, have to be written off. And that’s just those in work. Those on benefits, which now, of course includes many of those actually working but on low wages, will find an even greater reduction in their living standards as even more cuts are pushed through.

Is this the best that the sixth richest economy in the world can offer? Where is hope and aspiration in all this? Sadly lacking it would seem. I mention this latter soon after the anniversary of the death of Winston Churchill who steered us through what was, probably, the darkest period in this county’s modern history. What he offered was “blood, toil, tears and sweat” plus, of course an enormous amount of hope. That helped to defeat the largest war machine in the world up to that time.

I write though, not as an old romantic, as I freely confess to being (ask my wife), but because hope and aspiration are what keeps us going during the bad times. Without them, we’re lost. And I don’t want to see a lost generation. Need it be so? Well, I think, very definitely, not. This country of ours is crying out for a government that will develop the untapped potential of all its citizens for the good of all its citizens. Where we, truly, are “all in it together” and I watch with interest what is going to happen now that the Greeks and the Spanish are, finally saying, “enough is enough”. Maybe the tide is starting to turn at last. At least, that’s my hope.

The weekend’s newspapers contained so many stories about what is wrong with the world that I felt that a bout of optimism was required. And not just optimism for its own sake but based on what I’ve seen and done. So here goes.

Having worked for many years in the voluntary sector where, among other things, I ran a charity which helped people who were homeless and unemployed to build their own homes, I think I know something about the art of the possible. I also know that believing that you can actually do something is, probably, 80% of the solution. That and a little bit of determination and perseverance. Now, for most of us, the latter of these is a given. After all, we get up each morning to face a new day and get on with whatever it throws at us. Although there may be little alternative, that’s called perseverance. It’s really just another way of saying that you get on with it. So, let’s move onto determination. Well, most of us probably have that too. To test that out, don’t think of all the things that you told yourself that you’d do and didn’t (usually called New Year resolutions), but try to think of things that you just did and don’t think of it as determination. After all, if you’ve got children, you are likely to have developed the quality to quite a marked degree. More generally, you only have to look at how few people smoke these days to realise that they’ve kicked one of the most addictive drugs there is. That takes quite a bit of determination.

In my own case, the determination I witnessed was Gaynor’s, now my wife. Having had an unsuccessful first marriage and then gone on to bring my children up, I’d been there, done it and got the T shirt. So, many years later when I met someone else who wanted a family, it was a no go. Gaynor didn’t make a big deal about it but did ask, occasionally, if I’d changed my mind. The answer was always “No”. Until one day when I couldn’t really think of a good reason why not. The result is my second daughter, Ellie, now at university. It’s what I call “one of my better decisions”. Quiet determination won the day and I’m very glad that it did. Ellie still loves the story of how her mum insisted that she be born.

The last piece of the jigsaw, however, believing that you can do it, is by far the most difficult. Until you do something quite simple. Get a piece of paper and a pen and write down what you want to do; that big task. Then break it down into very small stages and start by doing the first of these; this might be as straightforward as googling some information. Then move onto the next and so on. Something you know you can do that because we’ve already established that you can persevere. In that way, you make climbing a mountain into a series of small steps, each one manageable. The journey will, likely, do a number of things. It will either help you to reach your goal or take you somewhere else. More importantly, it will help you to believe. The secret of success.

Finally, I heard somewhere that, many years ago, of a swimmer who wanted to win an Olympic gold medal but was a long way off the time  he needed. His coach asked him if he could improve the following day by 0.01 of a second. Of course he could. “Well if you can do that every day for the next two years” said the coach, “you’ll smash the current Olympic record”. I’m told that he did. Heroes and heroines, after all, aren’t necessarily special people but often ordinary people who’ve done extraordinary things. A group homeless people who did featured on “Grand Designs Revisited”. Check out the programme on Hedgehog Self Build Group. They did it and became role models for their own children. Not a bad legacy to leave.