You Can Change If You Really Want To

Those of you who know me will be aware that I have had some years of therapy in a bid to deal with the problems caused by much of my early life. Indeed, I still pop back very occasionally when something else crops up. It’s no big deal; I just felt that my life couldn’t go on as it was and that I needed to do something about that for my own and my family’s sake.  So, when someone, by choice, sends their kids away to school on the basis that “I went to a boarding school and it never did me any harm” My response is “How do you know how your life might have been in other circumstances?” Similarly when someone say “I know what my problems are and I don’t need any help in sorting them out”. That may be so, although what you really know are how your problems affect you and, maybe, some idea of the circumstances. For me, having someone to talk to helped me to unravel them and lead a better life.

To give an example, I always thought that the fact that I worried about things was the engine that drove much of what I did. I am known as a good fundraiser and always thought that worrying about money was the basis for that. As we all do in these trying times, I still worry about money but much less so than I did. Yet I am still a good fundraiser.  I also now know where the worries come from and that has given me the ability to see the reality from my perception of it. So, where am I going with this?

Well, the answer to that question is that, if you feel that you need to change things in your life, only you can do that. You may, as I did, need help but the impetus needs to come from you. After all, no one else can stop smoking or get fit for you. I know that I’m stating the obvious and that it may not be easy. But, as a friend of mine used to tell me, it’s better than the alternatives. The outcome?

Well, I’m not sure what yours will be; I only know what mine has been. Yes, you might say but you’ve already written that you don’t know what life might have been like anyway and that may be true. What I do know that a pattern of self destructive behaviour that persisted for over 40 years has been broken and I don’t think that that’s a coincidence. Moreover, I can quote specific instances of immediate behavioural change following a therapy session and that certainly isn’t.

I write this today as I see that the drugs bill for the NHS is growing; much of that related to emotional and mental health problems. In the main, those drugs will alleviate the symptoms but are unlikely to tackle the root causes of the problems. Just like Polyfilla, it may hide the cracks bit won’t deal with what’s causing them in the first place. I also write this as, this weekend, I attended a conference of the speaking association of which I am a member and my recent therapy has enabled me no longer to feel like an outside. Other people weren’t the problem, my feelings were. Thanks, all of you, for your patience. To everyone else, if you want to change, then take that first small step. You won’t regret it. All the best in your endeavours.

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