Anyone who’s read anything that I’ve written in my blogs and my books, will know that I’ve spent quite a lot of time sorting out my life; with, it has to be said, some success. So much so that I’m now a considerably less discontented and angry person and one who’s much more at ease with himself. I have to say that, not only does that feel good, but that it has allowed me to expend more of my energy into doing things that are even more constructive and rewarding.
In the past I’ve likened my life to one of those metal spinning tops that we played with as kids. By which I mean that an enormous amount of energy had to be expended just to keep it spinning and upright. If it was turned upside down and the spindle take out, it stood motionless and stable where it was, without any effort. Not, in my case, that I don’t still expend that effort, it’s just that it is no longer wasted on just getting through the days. As a consequence, I am now starting to achieve in specific areas of my life, writing being the best example. After all, even I can’t pretend that four books with others on the way, is nothing.
However, it’s in my personal life that there’s been an even more amazing difference. You see, in the past, I persuaded myself that I was in love. So much so that I thought I was when, really, I wasn’t. How do I know this? Well because my relationship now is so very different from those previous ones. Now I know it does me no credit to write this, but I don’t think I really knew some of those other people much at all. I tried hard to make them happy but under the circumstances that I determined. No wonder all those relationships failed. So, what has the difference been?
Well, for a start, I’ve learnt that I can’t really control what others do. More than that, if I do that, it’s quite likely to be counterproductive; as it is when others try to control me! It’s here that the law of unintended consequences comes into play. You see, I thought that that control would get me what I wanted. Yet I’ve found that giving up that control and being more accepting of others for what they are is far more productive, leading, as it often does, to the unexpected. Moreover, the result has been both beyond what this former control freak could ever have imagined and of a nature that he could never have envisaged. The Pandora’s Box that has been opened as a result has, in my case, only been full of good things. Most of which have been a revelation to me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at ease and comfortable in a relationship and my wife’s response confirms the joys and benefits of letting go. Now at 28 years and counting, long may it continue.