Many years ago my son, Matt and I went out for a drink. During the conversation, he said how true that line from a Joe Jackson song, about “pretty girls going out with gorillas”, was. I think the conversation went further (we were, after all, out for a drink and commiserating) and we discussed setting up a dating agency where we matched lovely women with lovely men and vice versa. I think we even talked of people we knew, in each category, to be matched in this way and were rather taken with the idea that, at least those in the vice versa group would only make each other unhappy. It has been an idea in my head for many years when I’ve met couples who seemed, somewhat, ill matched. As, I’m sure we’d both agree, were my first wife and I. After 16 years together, we separated and, 13 years later, I met, and subsequently married, someone who has become my best friend. We have now been together for 27 years. So, I think I have some experience in this matter. So, my point is?
Well, we only have one life so, it seems to me that, it’s not a bad idea to make the most of it. From where I’m sitting that’s about making it fulfilling because, along with that, are likely to come many of the other things that you want without a great deal of extra effort. If I can make an analogy. I used to see my life very much like a spinning top. By that I mean that a deal of effort had to be maintained to keep that top spinning and in a state of equilibrium. I now act and see things differently. That top, with its central “pole of problems” removed has been turned upside down and is now sat on its base in a very stable manner. As a result, all the effort that I used to put in is now put to better effect elsewhere. In my case in a caring and mutually supportive relationship in which what I give and what I receive are one and the same thing and that feels good. I also now have a career that I long dreamt of but, never expected.
So, if you’re in a situation in which what you do for others makes you happy. Well, that’s great. However, it’s not so great if most of the effort is coming from one direction. Ask yourself what it is that makes you happy in these circumstances and why. What you do about it then is up to you. And, yes, I’m very aware that life isn’t always that simple. However, please remember that the only time when it really is too late is when they nail the coffin lid down. So, ask yourself whether there could be for you, as there was for me, a life on “The Other Side of The Doors”.