I have long known that something held me back from doing many of the things that I wanted to do in life. When I lived the more conventional life that I used to, it never mattered. That life was determined by circumstance and was one that I accepted as being the one for me. I may have been quite angry about what it was but I accepted it, even the anger, as part of the package. I had the family that I needed and channelled much of my emotional energy into my children. It took a divorce and life with those children for me to start to realise that world on “The Other Side of the Doors” that some of you will have read about in my books.
The journey I started all those years ago continues apace and today I live a very different life; one that seems more natural to me. It’s also one that I couldn’t previously have envisaged. And there lies the rub. If you aren’t even aware of what you might be capable of, by definition, it will be unrealiseable. In my case, the divorced led me to opening those doors and to start to do some realising. It also led me to seeing those things I wanted to do but couldn’t.
For some years, I blamed other people for this. Why didn’t they help me more? Interestingly, I refused to ask for just that help and, as someone pointed out to me, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no. That made my shell stronger and me more determined to do what I’ve always done, which was to tackle my own problems? At which point, very gradually, I saw that shell that I had built around me to protect myself and, in doing so, I let people in. It hasn’t been any easy process and I still struggle with it. I also persevere.
The final part of the jigsaw has been in realising that those barriers were, largely, my own creation; not something you need when society has enough of its own already. As a result, I am now retracing my steps and tackling the root causes of the problem. It won’t be easy and will involve some soul searching. Indeed, I do this with some trepidation but also with an awareness that the person really holding me back is me.
Now there’s a challenge for you.