Over the past few months I’ve had some ups and down as I get used to the emotional life that I now lead. A more stable and contented one that’s for sure but, still, one that I am having to accustom myself to. It’s not been an enormous challenge although it has been different. A determination to be certain and right is being replaced by, what I know to be, the vagaries of life. Just, I suppose, like everyone else.
What’s interesting, for me at least, is that the explosive anger that used to surface and could be very destructive, was less difficult to cope with than the new, easier me. At least, for now.
I’m also getting used to the fact that I am now much easier and more contented within myself. Also, as I’ve written about before, my concern was that what drove me would diminish. Well, I don’t think it has in the way that I feared and I’m pleased about that. I do have to work harder but then I’m not a young man any more. There, I’ve said it!
So, will this older, more contented man continue to strive? Yes, I think he will; something that has been demonstrated to me over the past few months. I now need to push myself more in order to do this but, once the engine is running, I still do those things that I want to.
These last few weeks it’s been writing and, as usual, what appears on the page isn’t always as I’d imagined that it would be. Invariably, it’s better and that pleases me enormously. What I find is that, if I stick at it, unconscious thoughts appear and those ones are often the best. As a result, “Understanding Yourself” is turning out slightly differently than I’d first planned for it to be. As a result, it now stands at 27,000 words and I’m aiming to have the first proper draft completed by Xmas.
So, if you really want to do something, don’t let yourself stop you. The trying itself, and not whether you succeed, is what generates real internal change. And, with that, the likelihood that you will achieve something anyway. All you have to do is try and keep going!