I am, at heart, an optimistic person who gets through some of the crap that is dished out by seeing people as, essentially, honest and decent. So when circumstances arise that show them in a somewhat different light, I can be adversely affected. As I have been this week. Even as I write this, I know the symptoms that are the feelings of unease, the slight shaking and the butterflies in the stomach. Fortunately, I also know the cure (and have someone I can talk to) and so will see this through. Yet, feeling depressed isn’t good as it makes it harder to concentrate and push on. However, that is exactly what I’m doing; knowing that each step is a positive one set against the negativity that is the prevailing background hum. Importantly, I refuse to let that emotion and those who have helped to create it, become the determining one in my life. More importantly, I am sufficiently cussed that I won’t be beaten and have a wonderful family who each exhibit just those qualities that I hold dear.
In this I am also guided by thoughts of Doreen and Bill who looked after me for five years when I was a child. They had to cope with the death of their 18 month old daughter and, a year later, ploughed their caring into giving me a home and making me part of their family. Their generation tended not to complain but to make do with the cards that they’d been dealt. In their turn, they helped to shape a generation that asked for and tried to play with a different pack. In all my dealings, therefore, I feel an enormous sense of gratitude to what, in a recent television programme, was referred to as “Britain’s Greatest Generation”. In stark contrast, it has to be said, to the children of the Thatcher generation.
I do know, however, that my sheer bloodymindedness needs to be tempered with a care for myself and that that combination will guide me. As is has done in the past. So, not onwards and upwards, but with careful and steady steps while I see this through. And I feel myself smiling at this latter thought. So, perhaps onwards and upwards after all.